Description

No joy. Just grit, sweat, sand, dirt, roasting meat, smoke, rock, grey, rock, sweat, grit, blood, mean, anger, feelings and two arrows.

Transcript

Watch this Instead - Robin Hood Hi, this is Mike from the Substream.com and this is Watch This Instead that we’re getting the 14th of May which is Friday and I'm here in beautiful Caen France in my hotel room on the roux, shooting this for you from Caen France where I am, where I flew to because I'm that important and special. My wig so big, my shot so hot, my cheese also so big same size as my wig although they are stored separately because of food hygiene issues. So, what did you watch instead of Reedley Scott and Russell Crowe’s enormous sweaty epic too much taxation, beach landing by the French army, ego, so sweaty, two and half hour long, two arrows version of the origin of the Robin Hood character. What’s the kind of moronic but undeniably light hearted goofy and funny wrap pack adaptation Robin in the Seven Hoods? It’s not particularly good, it’s not even that much better than Scott Robin Hood which is itself not a terrible movie. It’s just that it’s everything that Scott’s Robin Hood isn't. It’s light, it’s unserious and it’s full of happy people smiling and singing and making jokes and moving their bodies through spaces that look like spaces that you might want to be and then it’s miraculously grit free. So, when you like I walk out of your house that needs to be repainted with the crack and the foundation and the crack is causing some grit to fall out of the foundation and you walk out your front door thinking I have to pay that mortgage on my house and my house is gritty. And you walk across the gritty street to your car that has a scratch and the paint on the side of it that you have to repaint because some grit got in there and you look in your bag for your key and you can't find it because there's grit in your eye because an oil spill which is eradicating all of the light in the ocean exploded in shark grit into the air and the grit volcano Oraefajokull from Iceland has launched nine trillion pounds of grit rain into the grit sky which is falling grit wise onto your body and you take your $12.00 that you’ve got from taking grit. All goddamn grit day and grit night from your grit little boss and buy a ticket to go see Robin Hood. And you get two and half hours of grit pain and grit feelings, anger. I thought we were going to be a green forest. Mary Scoundrels tweak a fat share of snows and take a pie from a window. give it to a pretty babe and shoot an arrow through the sky. But all you get is grit and pain. I'm in hell, this is hell, it’s hell on earth, grit lord and the grit master serious ego grit pile, got to make it big and gritty, run something that’s stupid and full of damn songs like Mr. Boost, Robin and the Seven Hoods and it's not a great film but just take it and take the DVD and spread it across your gritty brain like mayonnaise on white bread and think. “Wow, this isn't the best meal I’ve ever had but at least it’s soft and comforting and not full of grit.”