Watch This Instead Review of the Karate Kid Movie
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Looking for a very slightly racist hyper-violent preteen romance? No? We'll let you know what to watch instead of the new Karate Kid.

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Watch This Instead Review of the Karate Kid Movie Hi, this is Mike from Substream.com and this is an episode of Watch this Instead weekend 11th of June 2010 and I'm here to tell you what to watch instead of the remake of the Karate Kid Movie quick answer it’s the World Cup. Just kidding. Don’t watch World Cup I’ll spoil it for you. Every game is a 1-1 tie and in the middle a guys rolls around the ground with five minute— Now, if you like me at all which I know you probably are. You often felt two things to be undeniably true. Number one that Will Smith’s kid James Smith needs to be really famous as soon as freaking possible. And number two that the original Karate Kid film in 1984 failed in essence because it wasn’t about a 12-year-old and didn’t have any Justin Bieber songs in. Well, have I’ve got some freaking news for you people because guess what in the new Karate Kid film James Smith becomes a superstar. And it’s only a little bit--it is races but it’s only a little bit races because Karate is from Okinawa which means in Japan and then the remake which is called the Karate Kid he doesn’t actually learned Karate, he learns Kung Fu which is Chinese. And if they call that Kung Fu Kid it wouldn’t have collectively hoisted their giant pigs note out of the—long enough to say, oh the Karate Kid is like the other karate kid movie from when childhood and positive memory. So don’t see it, don’t go pay money to see it because it’s pointless. There’s no need for it to exist. James Smith is actually a pretty good performer for a 12 year old. Even for a 20 year old he’s a good performer. His away better actually than Ralph Macchio was in the original and Kung Fu is away better than the Karate was in the original as way more action pack and way more action-packed and way more visual and shot in a much more entertaining way. But that said, Jaden Smith character the new Karate Kid is 12--he’s 12 years old like way—not an old 12 but at young 12. It’s going to be a long time before this kid gets his growth. So when you watch this 12 year old Karate Kid begin his awkward make out session with another 12 year old girl in Beijing and they go and they do sexy dances for each other to Poker face by Lady Gaga the whole thing becomes this hyper Bieber post millennium moment of twin punk sexiness that would make Prince feel weird and it makes us feel weird because it is weird that people spend millions of dollars making the movie about 12 year old that has a romantic sub plot. Do you know how many famous moving important fictional preteen romances there are in history? Zero. But I can’t prove that you because it is actually illegal to Google preteen or twin make out. So yes, the Kung Fu is much better, it’s much more brutal but again they’re 12 years so again at the end when there’s a big—and the people are beating the ever loving snag out of each other with no gloves and no head gear just vicious, brutal, repeated fist slamming and upside down face kicks, you remember they’re 12 and they’re all being cheered on by their moms and dads who are really happy as they get to the limbs broken and repeat knock out and their faces beat in. Have you ever thought to yourself, men I really want to see a 12-year-old kid get kick in the face eight times by another psychotic twin whose performance makes—and blood sport look like Mary Poppins no you haven’t, nobody has ever thought that, they’re normal persons,. It’s almost like this whole film is just a really weird psychotic crazy excuse make a star vehicle for James Smiths so what you do watch instead watching the best films of all time. It also happens to be real and about teenager’s exceptionalism and about pressure and competition and the mean to win and about race and class in America. And watch the documentary Hoop Dreams. About two kids in Chicago will go to an upscale high school in Illinois to try and make their NBA dreams come true. Please watch it instead of the new Karate Kid Film you won’t be disappointed. Thanks for watching.