Lorraine Thomas answers some more questions about parenting and how to deal with small children.
Host: We love hearing from you on the baby channel and as usual our mail bag is full to bursting with your questions about parenting. So we have invited one of the countries leading parent coach is the Loraine Thomas to ask your questions. Welcome Loraine and being a parent coach is sort of every moms dream, you would like to got -- any time day or night but always say the problems that arises familiar to you but very individual in the sense of stress I think this is the think that we are not supposed to feel as a mother, but one of common questions, a mom has come up this actually is a lady who is got 2 small children and she says I feel stressed, I am so exited to being a mom but not for my life is just fun take all the time, there is so much to do and never enough time, I want to have fun I want to enjoy being with them but I don’t just want to endure it, is not something you from those who influences sense of enduring motherhood. Loraine Thomas: I think can that’s sort of common feeling, to -- is that for room moms when they became a mom today suddenly they just so much to do there is save little time to direct. And you know moms and moms and that’s she says I didn’t know, I did with all my time before the -- came of, you know and they fantastic naturally do fantastically molding about the whole you know job of being a parent is really challenging is not a day today basis, and is the most important job that you have to doing in your life is there, and I see he just compensating -- Host: Pressure able to coop in order to I was fill very guilty she becoming all the people do this and I seemed to be stressful, It’s only me -- Loraine Thomas: I think -- I think with moms is that one of the big problems for moms to –let try to be the perfect mom, to make us, and your little baby comes along and you know in this life long could be in this really important, and you wont to be the perfect mom, and of course you need the perfect mom in the perfect baby doesn’t exist, so what should you really hard feel self to feel good about being a mom, and you make it really easy for yourself to feel guilt and to feel anxious, and to feel stressed. So I think you know in terms of enjoyment or injured it’s a really you know is I think its great, that the you know I feel its I childs cant questions because I think it’s a big decision the you want to think about when you are a mom, because actually to know the world you will obey because of him, you know we will dictate the way they see the world so you know and they -- baby nap, you know, in the toddlers and the teenagers if they grow up and your are fun take mom, that’s the world they say, and I know grow what sort of feeling for answering themselves, and I grow up and thinking you know that’s for adult, life is only about -- Host: We reflect our In sense of timing on them , that we say children go up having to do 25 different extra curricular activities, because and real stuff again but actually your home environment you should come deflate when need about -- minimize -- Loraine Thomas: Absolutely, so in terms of all fewer I think neither some really important think is today to think about and you know in a ways good think feels stressed, because it means a taking a dopes, but I think we need to stand back a little bit, and you know all these think about all thinks are on never ending you know mentally to do list, yeah you know we always go on and getting have late and moms are great they can always think of hundred to one things, one come in to use of -- and you know its wrong things think about all things we all need to do list, leave the half -- things we want to have the perfect time is to really focus on you know what we want to do without children, and in order to put to your children as a dairy day, you know at least once a week you know half a time which is special for you, and your baby, or you know till difficult more than one and really have fun doing that, you know you spending that time with them, and find the time in your dairy because I have seen a lots of moms who haven’t got time to do, you know go on and do this all the other, but I shall think if you really focus and just have you next stuff and days and you got the one thing are really like to do, in a house special time and haves some fun, because its important for you as a mom, to have a fun, because there is important to get child in the -- you know really Paly an big -- be child to get a and touch with the all days kind of you know is -- well. Host: -- is to stop that on the clock and say well I could be doing, that the washing and I could be doing you know that’s fun cool that I should have made two days ago, but actually doesn’t matter, because I am going to the next hours is going to be the most valuable hours of this week, but I am going to be focus completely on them, Loraine Thomas: absolutely, today I think see you want and you want to be a fun mom nor fancy mom to you, and being a fun mommy’s are much more, hey is watch, is watch -- spend -- your times that, Host: so may be let them make mess in them worry about the mess and if its looks messy for when you partner or your husband having just relax about it, because I think often we program this will take to bring the standard up to a what was like of the home or all sort of partnerships and that, that you know that we have an friendships we have do you take a hit when you become a mother, and not ideal and quite non of here is written and said -- said my partner left me recently and I know that he -- guy to so and not bringing up my daughter are the alone, and the worst thing when she ask for her dad is that I don’t know what to say, I am angry on her and I am -- mostly I am guilty, that she any ask me, you know and it she feels like failure what I mean that’s I am not saying that you know men are kind of partner husbands is going to walk out just because there is a stressful situation at home but it does tell its as take just home, and then you end of feeling -- about being alone as a single parent. Loraine Thomas: I think that’s really take to, because you know a lot of people find that actually you know having the child really you know put stop for extra sort relationship doesn’t it, you know it really makes you, you know it can bring some other stress and strains pressures, and I thought you will fail under with your partner, because you know such a huge life turn this experience is there, so only there is little -- here that you, your birth responsible for you for one whole of the dynamic of the relationship changes -- Host: What would you say , to this some body is really experience in that right now my relationships under pressure, but my child is my first responsibility I am the care on the mother what could we do practically to suit on that dilemma. Loraine Thomas: I think, I think, with the fewer I says he is have he is contacted ask to it, I think its really important, you know I just focus on you know what is good, you know what’s good for her child about having her is a mother, you know I think guilt such a strong negative you know feeling isn’t, a moms do guilt in a big way to regret of doing you know feeling guilty and making ourselves feel you know what you know the more ability you know the more you dwell on feeling guilty, the more guilty you feel doesn’t to help -- Host: Focus on the purposes Loraine Thomas: Focus and do, and I think its really important to do that mom will have you as great things about her lots of you know lots of things that her child loves about her in their she loves being a mom and she does really love think it when you will you know parent on your bring up the child you really do you know coming to your, in -- you have to take us no one to share the work I will do it, and I think its really important to focus some one such and that’s were that and that free night you know when she goes to sleep don’t think about you know all things that you worried about no, no, you have trained to yourself to do that, before you got some work is going well during the day I think its important to you know for her just to try this stress of you know half amount little bit, is to be really clear about what she wants to say about the daughter, yeah, because I think do you know children to the fantastic all is going to most difficult questions on their, today and you consult of by trying to get we do at the any easy on so that they take big deep or -- Host: I don’t think to deep on positive on relationship either negative it’s to encourage them life is to feel Loraine Thomas: Can you -- and then you feel a feel conscious the past, so it come change the present and you feel positive for an look for what can be effort you know that’s going to be much better for three people involved to that relationship. Host: Now this is the -- specific question, its for use as the one man can point that because my -- I went by to work part time but I am really struggling we think a mom and they back in work, I really like the stuff and this nursery but I feel guilt may be in back I keep thinking about him missing me. So in all things is that guilt but what do we do how do we get the balance thing leaving our child in a nursery and thinking that were missing out all though child missing out to my -- Loraine Thomas: Think you know what’s interesting about that to recognize is the moms she likes this the nursery, doesn’t she likes stuff said, so actually that’s really good, is it I think for her to focus on, because I think you never be going back to work, as a mom, blue moms were -- some in pay to employment and some more but I think and we know we trying to tackle a family on work, its just one of the hardest challenges that she faces and -- is that, so I think I have part guilt comes in the kind of nerves, its so easy first you feel guilty but actually you know this mom is that’s she is happy with the nursery, and so what I think, you know is good for her and you know when she is at work, unusual when the journey and don’t -- but the journey and think I am going to stop him of -- she what’s feel bad and made the journey as much fun as possible, make it at once suffered by if you case you know something cure on mentally if you met the –but you know when she is at work you know if she feels at –built you know to really focus on what her child enjoy is doing nursery and her photo on her desk of her child looking happy, instead of lying on your own imagination from -- because they will just a run away with you at until anything -- today is probably one dream of left him in your -- you may have left him a nursery, have a happy photo of your child on the desk and when of you feel to know that little -- have look at think your eyes having a great time,. And I am really looking forward to saying him to creative is that -- Host: well that’s the great thing is it? Actually in the end of the day when you be unite at the end of the nursery your working day, that movement is that much special in the moms used to been run a whole day and in its stressed to the max you know -- Loraine Thomas: I have seen and when you go home with her, being when you are in home, be 100% mom to do so is to do so feel guilt except in a way during the day, and -- we give our crack on home and enjoy being a mom. This is the one of side syndrome practical question, from a mother he wants to toilet train her son, but she says I am not sure best way to go about it, should I use a potty or toilet seat and one of my friends she says her potty’s is every women In the house how I will be able to do that, and when Is the best time to use these pull out nappies? Very practical ones, Loraine Thomas: you know today moms are expert in the –choices, and they second with the guiding to about some body in about somebody in there about toilet training and don’t feel you know draw in to doing in -- because you know your mother in law’s have to do or your mom you finds -- Host: and age of particular to just stop reviewing that. Loraine Thomas: yeah is it so I think even your time between you know some people start earlier some like to be either between 2 and 2 and 3 it there will be the right time for eating so here on then your baby I think you know decided to stay for don’t put it’s a nappy room potties enough of your room, some people are practice some people gets toilet seats, to do some people never use the pull out nappies they can get big packs, so decided what you want to do in a ideal situation, and if and keep yourself 7 days when you are feeling today quite in joys and you have a -- you know things that you are just do when really focus on like some more times are great time because you will get the one do -- and in that they have incidents where happen with toilet training, as we part practices -- so and I think you know really think about him you know what will instance devices your little ones is love, the great raw metal, you know they show, show let me see, Host: you know they were trying to -- you know when they need to go, is part of calling potties and tries I like you want to go, should we ask him this questions, you feel like going? Loraine Thomas: yeah , and I think you know its starts to itching in them on the potty on the toilets and regular times, you just say like a use -- you knows of her system, daily -- yes he will say I want to go, just get them used to being on that , he seeing even the loo he knows is the ways its really helpful, and to know -- the whole cut of thing about you know the big girl -- and incentive for them all, you know that’s stick a childs work really well, and do and doing a -- stressed about it because you know if you guys stressed to hang up the -- you do then much more lively it will take long goal, so in a time big -- relaxed about its is nothing to listened it. So your look back of your girl and how we know is ust want to there is something -- Host: On my -- good, stand sides or back, I was around the -- back as well. And because they cant -- and we shouldn’t worry about this is that in go back to not these preventing start again. Loraine Thomas: Yeah nothing you know he shall try there is not the right time for what ever reason, do you think all we know of fair, and untied and under -- child door to day of 6 months ago, you know do what’s right for you and you do with right feeling and right for you and what’s right for them so do it, that you know when the right for both. Host: Thank you so much, we have cover a lot of different material to take my thank you very much for coming in. Loraine Thomas: Thank you.