Description

In this video, a group of women discuss what they miss from their lives before they had children.

Transcript

Cheryl Baker: I had such a fantastic life before I had my children when I got married I was 37 and 38 when I got married I was 40 before I had the kids and I had the most fantastic time I was a child until that time you know I really wasn't that I didn't mind in my mind I was 17 and then a guys birth and my life changed and has changed to this day and I lost everything, I lost all that freedom I lost my independence because we are all married. I was no independent any more I could I cant now to this day. I can't so I can't say just gone have a holiday and I can't go out over night and so I have organized the baby sitter. Rachel Royce: Its doing that as per the moment thing isn't it you loose spontaneous you are something oh actually I'm fed up with my life I think I go travelling for three months you know which I did before I had kids you know but still I land in Hong Kong. Cheryl Baker: That's it I did all the stuffs I wanted to do but I still miss it I really miss it. Mara Lee: And it's the little thing as well I was just reading a book you know when I want you to sitting on a couch and being how to read a book or watching a film. Rachel Royce: I read definitely books since I have kids. Mara Lee: Yeah, its says in a line a line I miss, you know its Sunday morning lazy line it's just it's at the window isn't it really. Ingrid Tarrant: I remember it is funny how times will change because, when my son is nearly 25 now so we all going back really a generation as such and the idea then with you have a baby and that baby comes into your life you don't change your life that they are adapting isn't it tension of your life and I feel that making a over a lot of sense and I have to say that's how I did it. He was an extension of my life so wherever I went he came with me, when I was working he came with me he was in the back of the car his first was car, then it was ford, rover these are something new -- cars and didn't know the alphabets -- Rachel Royce: What's a kind of job were you could take your child to work. Ingrid Tarrant: That's true, exactly but even so its when you can see when you talk about baby siting and this not the other it was that the baby comes with me and it was very good as well because then the noise that wasn't anything about that the noise know some people like tip toe round they say all the noise are chauffeuring in this hall now it became terribly as a result all children naturally will fair to become terrible adaptable when they just cope. Rachel Royce: When my child was tiny when it he was baby we use to take him everywhere when I took him the fashion show breast feed in the fashion show may be -- we also use to take him to the pub in the evening you know and stick him in the car under the table. Ingrid Tarrant: Perfect. Rachel Royce: And I mean people probably worry about passive smoking but my husband smoke at home any way. Ingrid Tarrant: Always getting to precious isn't I don't believe that you should -- and stuff like that but I mean that is a real world we live cant sort of you know wrap them in cotton wool can we. Cheryl Baker: No nothing you are wrong, I think if you take babies out like you did with yours if you take him up from early days and they get use to different environments and different people around him all the time, I think you make a mistake some parents make a mistake from causative their child so much keeping them at home no introducing them to other children to other people, yeah. Ingrid Tarrant: Oh yeah they are not socially unit don't they and also I notice when my kids have friends to stay at night and awful wouldn't because oh no or they will say yes and then -- tend to oh my mommy and then you have to drive them home in the middle of the night if they. My kids so I stay at the night they were fine so they didn't mind they were use to different environment, so never feel sort of home might they are in place I can sleep is it my bed. Mara Lee: So are you saying you would do this not much of your old life that you would miss. You know since you had your kids is that any thing again. Ingrid Tarrant: Yeah, I have been I'm effectively same because I have kind of made it work for me so I did sort of take heat of that kind of advice were they coming into your life and it wasn't being selfish it was actually making it work I didn't want to resent having children and I think a lot of people do is like my whole life is changed is taking away I have got no independence any more and they start resenting that I have no resentment at all. Cheryl Baker: I'm there. Ingrid Tarrant: Do you Cheryl Baker: I love my kids so much I guide for them as any parent would but I do miss it I really do I loved my life before the children and Rachel Royce: Okay, even though I have mentioned that mean you know Cheryl Baker: I cant tell they are bit older but I think when they sort of in their first years the primary years before they go to the primary school and they are so relaying when you need to be there with them you know I like I do thing that you miss a lot you forsake you give up so much what I did anyway. Ingrid Tarrant: Why did you anticipate that I mean when you decide to start a family did you think what it and you have sorts of your grave is like so happening I mean did you think well actually it is going to have that fits to my -- did you fact that and note it. Cheryl Baker: Yeah, that's why I left it so light apart from the -- husband; I did it like purposely because I want to do that stuff first of all and at the time I have travelled the world I have being on top of the pop sing up on the year we just sung context presented lot of practice and I have done these lovely things and that now I can tell down but I still missed it. Mara Lee: I think you have a questioning with various color glasses thinking like he said input all the baby will figure into my life and -- it will all be it will make everything better. I didn't anticipate that certain things can't work for me either I wasn't willing to or I couldn't fit to mean and therefore I began to miss elements with the; and the keen one for me I missed my hubby and he was and he was always there with me and I'm going crawling into bed some nights you know exhausted of my -- to say I miss you and I think what you all are like Cray about, so what I made was. Ingrid Tarrant: -- spirit that isn't it you are that important in spirit. Mara Lee: yeah I miss that connection that we had because we were together for about 10 years before, before our kids came along and we wanted our kids just really and as you say so you know love them I just miss that closeness that we had because all of a sudden someone else that taking that closeness. Ingrid Tarrant: And also what is that the husband so because they do take second place you know after fight. Rachel Royce: And we find that very harsh. Ingrid Tarrant: Yes they do. Mara Lee: They are moody enough to do. Ingrid Tarrant: Although especially after ten years so even we see the hard of them but they got to use to be in the one and only. Mara Lee: Only thing I mean I have got to probably speak to himself if he could miss the old me because I wake from there you know this relaxed happy you know lets do oh-it's a formula and I have really a change and I think that there was a lot of I think there was a lot of do you know he was scratching and going, so when she go I kind of lot heard. Rachel Royce: I kind of think also I mean, yeah there were things you miss about your old life but I that are those things I don't miss and a kind of you know I all through out my twenties I had a lovely time, great career, worked went out part but if it comes big hog day doesn't it, you kind of thing what's the next and what I'm doing my life going and I do think having children coming rounds here give you this is why you are in the world. Ingrid Tarrant: And is a disciple in the funny strike because you could that I could spend a lot of control. I mean I really could tell you a lot of this. I don't know the stop bottom sort of the thing but it does it starts to bring that for to say I have got to get up early morning take the children to school, so therefore I went party to five o clock hope I has no even get back. I mean it just throws you in actually so is actually is quiet nice to have those constrains is that raining -- Cheryl Baker: They naturally grow up. Ingrid Tarrant: It does make you grow up. Cheryl Baker: -- that's what I miss most of all I must have the lines. Ingrid Tarrant: Me too. Rachel Royce: Often on lot of coming my boys coming -- Ingrid Tarrant: Oh I love this sleep and dropped in. Cheryl Baker: Myself Susan ring up and half past in the morning and she is been up since she know the cop, I called Sheela is not even ten O'clock. This is pretty -- and now she can bring the half past six and you know so. Rachel Royce: Lets she could thing as I actually more or less got three of stage and then waking up in the morning because no house operate play station themselves so they get up in a entertainment so and then I got puppy, I mean how - to say instead of boys wake up the minute the puppy hears, the boys were wake up yep, yep back to early mornings again busy mornings.