Learn how to identify a non-punitive consequence as a parent in this series of parenting advice videos.
Female Speaker: What if I can't identify a non-punitive consequence? Do we still have options? Julie Greenlee: You absolutely still have options. There are many, many things that we can do as parents. I will go back again and say we can use in forceful statements. We can tell the kid exactly what we are going to do and that leaves them kind of without options. If they want to eat, if they want us to do their laundry, then they are going to need for to make some better choices for themselves. But if the kid is just being a brat if he is just being completely defined, completely non-compliant, then there is something that loving logic calls an energy drainer, and that is when we cannot think of anything that make sense for what this kid is doing. An energy drainer is where -- if you think about it when kids are non-compliant when they are difficult, doesn't they drain your energy? It really does, it leaves us feeling exhausted, it leaves us feeling absolutely defeated, and so when our kids roll their eyes at us when they back talk to us, when they argue with us when they are not respectful. When they don't listen, the list goes on and on. Our energy gets drained. And there are many things that can refill your energy. A lot of times what I use with my kids is sometimes when I take their Xbox and I play with that for a day or two that will really juice me back up. Maybe if I don't have to drive on places, I could restore some of that energy that I lost from them being just really defined. Some times I will take payment for some energy that I've lost and that can be done through toys, and are not broken toys, not those toys that are all dirty and old, but some really good ones, some new ones with all those electronic gadgets on it can really juice me right back up. The energy drainer is one of those consequences that we can throw in for just about anything. It also buys us a lot of time when we are coming up with the strategic planning ideas that I talked about earlier. So if your kid is just getting on your nerves. If they are expecting so much from you, and giving you back nothing in return, then what you can say to your kid is, you know what it really drains my energy when you -- and you can fill in the blank it could be when you roll your eyes at me, when you don't listen when I have asked you to do your chores. When you don't come home on time that really drains my energy, and then you can give the child choices on how he'd like to restore your energy for you. It really juices parents back up when those chores are getting done, when they hear that vacuum rolling. It really juices parents back up when they have a date at night and the child pays for the baby sitter. So there is a lot of options on how as you as a parent would choose to get your energy restored. That there is no worry; if you don't identify any punishment that's not punitive then we ought to be using an energy drainer.