Learn how to have a peaceful turbulent-free relationship in this relationship advice video series.
Host: What's the biggest obstacle in having a peaceful, turbulent free relationship? Gloria MacDonald: The biggest obstacle to turbulent free relationships is self importance. I love this quote from Carlos Castaneda. He said, "Self importance is man's greatest enemy. What weakens him is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow men. Self importance requires that one spend most of ones life offended by someone or something." So, it is really all about letting go of ego. That is how we keep our relationships turbulent free and as peaceful as possible. I love what Dr. Wayne Dyer says about 'Letting go of egos hold on us.' The first thing he says is, "Stop being offended." If you get offended by what other people say and do that's a never ending cycle and you will just spend your whole life being offended. The second thing he says is, "Let go of your need to win." Our ego wants us always to win and if we win, it implies that someone else is going to lose. So, if you have to be the winner that means your partner is going to be the loser, and does that create that place of safety and peace? The next thing Wayne Dyer says is, "Let go of your need to be right." Again, our egos always want us to be right and if we are right it means that someone else is wrong. So, if you are right, it necessarily means that your partner is wrong and how is your partner ever going to be feel good about themselves and feel like that they are in that safe place if they are always wrong? The next thing Wayne Dyer says is, "Let go of your need to be superior." Again, if you have to better than someone else, it means that someone else has to be worse than you and our egos always want us to be better, better, better. So, that also is a no win situation for your partner. So, let go of your need to be better than someone else. Let go of your need to be superior. The next thing Wayne Dyer says is, "Let go of your need to have more." Our egos are all about getting more, more, more. The ego will never allow you to be satisfied with what you’ve got. The ego will never allow you to be at peace. It always has to accomplish more. It has to acquire more, it has to have more. So, if you are in that situation it can be a very needy love and you are always demanding more of your partner, requiring more of your partner, needing more of them. So, that's from a place of neediness and that does not create an environment where there is safety and trust. The last thing Wayne Dyer says about letting go of ego is, "Let go of your reputation." Your reputation is not located in you, it is only located in someone else and someone else's thoughts about you. So, let go of your need to have constant affirmation and praise from your partner. That's really draining. Forget about what the other person thinks about you, let go of that and hold onto only what's going on in you, your own soft image, your self respect. You will be amazed at how much that creates a place of peace and safety for both you and your partner.