Description

The DadLabs field guide to lying your a$$ off in the first trimester of pregnancy. Credible excuses to friends, who to watch out for, and the all-important "impostail" mixology lesson. The skills you need to keep your little secret in the early days of pregnancy. Dadlabs ep 453 brought to you by BabyBjorn. Distributed by Tubemogul.

Transcript

Daddy Brad: Welcome back to the Lab, I'm Daddy Brad. Daddy Clay: And I'm Daddy Clay. You know as parents we try to teach our children the value of truthfulness and we do so by modeling it ourselves. Daddy Brad: But certainly there are times when parenting requires a bit of fiction and this starts almost immediately after conception. Daddy Clay: That's why this week in the Lab we bring you the official DadLabs guide to pregnancy and lying your ass off. Daddy Brad: Today's episode is brought to you by BABYBJÖRN. One thing that's no lie, BABYBJÖRN has the best design baby gear on the market. Take this Babysitter Balance, for example, the real deal. Daddy Clay: You know Daddy Brad, lot of parents will start lying from the moment of conception. Daddy Brad: Daddy Clay, lying is such a strong word, how about withholding information or keeping secrets. Daddy Clay: Okay. Some parents will keep a secret of pregnancy all throughout the first trimester, because that's the timeframe in which a miscarriage statistically is most likely to happen, not telling folks, keeps them having the awkward situation of having to go back potentially and explain. Daddy Brad: Yeah, but if you're going to keep the secret, it's going to be a tough road, because if you're anything like me, bluffing is not your strong point. Daddy Clay: Yeah, you're not good at that. Daddy Brad: I mean, it's hard to look a buddy in the eye and just lie. Daddy Clay: You wonder why we always invite you to Poker games? But I find that it's not buddies that are the big problem, because they're not going to ask. They don't really care. They're not going to say, Oh hey! Are you guys? No, the problem is with couples that already have children, because misery loves company and they can smell it on you. They'll ask those questions. They'll try to weasel it out of you, and then, there is your mom. Daddy Brad: We're not having the baby, I swear, I would tell you. We're not having the baby. No, I'm just a little nervous. You pull things out from high school. You, no more 24 for you. Daddy Clay: So the sures tell that woman is pregnant as any married couple can tell you, is when the woman bellies up to the bar and order a nonalcoholic drink. It's what we're keeping our eye off, like eagle eye. This is how you know somebody is pregnant. So you, due dad, you need to become the master mixologist of the impostail, the nonalcoholic cocktail that looks like a real cocktail. Of course, the easiest one of all, we call it the Nata Tana. Any clear liquid in the glass on the rocks as long as it is in a highball, throw in a little wedge of lime, instant cocktail. This is the Nata Tana. Well, I like to call this one a chardonnay nut. All you do is take a little bit of the white grape juice. I mean, where they make wine from, anyway, I like to go to the sort of high end grocery stores, they have these premixed -- this is a cosmopolitan, we'll call this is a Cosmonaut. All you have to do is take the mix, hold the top of that pan, throw that bad boy in there. Garnish with a lime, Cosmonaut. One of my favorites, of course, when I was, in this back in my days as a drama teacher, if you take any soft drink a cola drink and you dilute it about 4 parts to 1 part, it looks just like bourbon, bourbon neat. Okay. Finally, of course, you can go the old standby, you get your old nonalcoholic beer and, of course, that flows everybody. One other thing, it's much easier to prepare these when you're at home, because you can go back in the kitchen, you can go away and mix them up. The problem comes when you're at a restaurant, and everybody sits down to order and your wife has got to come up with this impostail. When you go to a restaurant, okay, pull a preemptive strike. Go immediately to the bar, say, I've got to have a drink, right in there get a cocktail for yourself and an impostail for her, that way when you sit down with everybody, you're all set to go. Oh! Hey Daddy Brad! Daddy Clay: Hey Daddy Clay! Remember, you can always go to the -- she is taking antibiotics if you really get cornered, but be careful. You can only pull that card out one time. Daddy Clay: Yeah, it's true. Daddy Brad: You might feel a little uneasy about not exactly telling the truth, but don't worry about it. People understand and they'll give you a pass. Daddy Clay: This really is a crucial time to set the right tone with your wife and just go with your what her wishes are, besides, keeping this little secret, it can bring you together. It's little conspiracy that only the two of you are in on, it's a good thing. Daddy Brad: Now, that's all for us here in this week in the Lab. We'd like to thank our sponsors BABYBJÖRN, BABYBJÖRN, great design baby products. That's the truth. Daddy Clay: If you've got any ideas about how to preserve little first trimester secret, please join us on DadLabs.com, jump in the conversation there and let us know how you do it. We'll see you there on DadLabs.com.