Better brings aid on how to deal with the biggest step in any relationship: adding a baby to the mix. We sat down with experts to bring you the scoop.
Rhiannon Ally: It’s one of the most stressful times for couples when bake makes three. And in most cases the problem is, you're so busy with your new baby your relationship with your partner, well it suffers. Don’t worry it is common. But we’re here to help. Relationship expert, Dr. Debbie, is here to help baby-proof your marriage. Welcome Dr. Debbie. Dr. Debbie: Thank you. Rhiannon Ally: This is a very common thing for couples right? Dr. Debbie: It happens with every couple and that’s why to talk about it before hand is really helpful. So to start with the number one thing that suffers, sex between the couple. You think it won’t happen to you, it always does. And the one thing that guys have to remember is once the woman has a baby she’s not feeling her sexiest. Rhiannon Ally: She’s not in the mood. Dr. Debbie: She’s not in the mood or her energy is being zapped. You know a lot of women are breastfeeding. It doesn’t mean women are not suppose to be having sex, but the guys have to sort of take that into account to help their woman feel desirable, feel sexy, feel beautiful. And what the women have to think about is -- Rhiannon Ally: Yeah, they're not off the hook here, are they? Dr. Debbie: Guys need to connect in this way. And sometimes women have to just sort of act as if, force themselves to do it and then maybe they'll get in the mood because they can’t stop connecting sexually with their guys. It will not service the couple at all. It’s not a good thing. Rhiannon Ally: So when the baby comes home, how does the couple transfer into a new identity because it’s a completely new unit now? Dr. Debbie: It really is and what couples has to remember is, with this gain of a baby, there is a loss and you have to allow yourself to know that and you need to compromise that. But if you don’t maintain a piece of who you are you can get very unhappy and that is not good for your baby. So both members of the couple have to give the other a chance to hold on to something, whether its hanging out wit your friends, going for a massage, playing the tennis game you want to play – you have to have one day or night a week that you can take a couple of hours for yourself. Rhiannon Ally: So we talked about this is very normal, what about finding couple time? You talked about finding your own time, what about finding time for just you and your honey? Dr. Debbie: If you don’t keep the couple unit alive, it just all becomes about the kids and this is what I think causes many divorces later on because everything is about the children and you have nothing left once the children grow up. So you have to make a date night or a mini-vacation or vacation alone or something so that you can hold on to each other before the baby enters the picture. Rhiannon Ally: We all grew up differently. We had parents that did different things and we tend to take those into our parenting styles, right? Dr. Debbie: This is one of the most important things, people have to get to know who they are even before they are parents and they can figure that out based on how they treat animals or how they treat people in the world. Are you someone who can handle people angry at you? Can you say no? Can you set boundaries? Or you will pushover? This will give you information on how you are going to be when the little kids come and it is good to know that about yourself because you want to present united front with your partner and if you know where your weaknesses are, your partner can fill in where you fall short. Rhiannon Ally: That means no good cop, bad cop. Dr. Debbie: Exactly. Rhiannon Ally: Great tips for all new parents out there. Thank you so much Dr. Debbie. Dr. Debbie: You’re so welcome. I hope it helps. Rhiannon Ally: Yeah, I hopefully we’ll help a few people out there. We’ll be right back.