Description

For new couples, the holidays can be a very awkward time of year. What types of gifts say too much and which say too little? Here to help clear the air, is Better's relationship expert Whitney Casey, and author of Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilser.

Transcript

Host: For new couples, the holidays can be a very awkward time of year. You’re thinking what types of gifts say too much, which ones say too little and how do you sign that card? Love always, best, just sincerely? Here to help clear the air is Better’s relationship expert, Whitney Casey and the author of Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilson. Whitney: Alright, thanks Audra. Okay, so let’s start with the meet the parents because it may have already been thanksgiving but Christmas is around the corner. Sometimes it just happens serendipitously, you don’t even realize that maybe you only went on two dates with this guy but your parents, boom, they’re in town. Jeff: If it’s happenstance then fine, no real rules broken. If it just happens that the parents show up, what can you do? But if there’s some kind of dramatized lead up, build up, let’s meet the parents, there’s definitely some signs for when that’s too soon in a relationship. Whitney: What are they? Because you have good solid evidence. Jeff: I have a three prong criteria. I think one, if you haven’t yet hooked up, it’s too soon. Two, if you’re not exclusive, it’s too soon. And three, if there’s not a clear clear sign that there’s something in the future possibly for a relationship, it’s too soon. Whitney: So what’s a good way, quick way to just bridge it and say hey, my parents just happen to be in town. Do you say no big deal or do guys need to hear it’s no big deal. Jeff: I think it’s probably better to have no big deal than a big define the relationship. What does this mean? No one wants to do that right then. I will say this, if you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, it’s probably not a good idea. If it feels right, it’s right. Whitney: That’s right. I like that. The next thing is gift giving. We’ll just touch shortly on this because you didn’t give anything for thanksgiving but let’s say it’s rolling into the holidays and you happen to see this person right before Christmas, they give you a gift. I will tell you now what I gave somebody I’d only been seeing him for two weeks but this is really fun, I gave him a bunch of gave like t hose mini travel games like connect four. Jeff: That’s fun. Whitney: I say this is because I don’t want to play games. Jeff: You see small tokens like that, that always works. My thing is if it’s a nice expensive gift after a first days, that’s almost like if we went out and I brought you a spread sheet and graph saying here’s our life the next 70 years. We’re having children here, we’re buying a home here. That’s really smothering and creepy. Don’t do it. Whitney: Do women do that typically? Jeff: I haven’t seen a spread sheet but I’m saying that is the level of weirdness it feels when you have this like obnoxiously nice gift too soon. Whitney: Now from gifts to cards because a card is always a good thing to give him, plus this is always good in emails and in general even after Christmas or into the New Year. What’s a good salutation? Jeff: One bad salutation is XOXOs or exclamation points. Whitney: Gossip Girl does it— Jeff: For a girl, that’s fine but if a guy does it, they might as well write it in lipstick and kind of with a dash of perfume on there. Whitney: Really? What about XXX? Jeff: Not for men, I would think, no exclamation points. It shouldn’t be like Happy Holidays! For a guy, you kind of sound like a dork. Whitney: I’m going to have to disagree. Jeff: I would think about how would Don Drapper sign his holiday card, I think that’s the way to think about it. Happy Holidays. Whitney: But that’s so just blasé. Women love to hear emotion. I like it when I get an exclamation point from a guy in a text or a guy in the card. It’s like he’s showing enthusiasm. Oh, my gosh, he has a pulse. Jeff: You also like the XXX thing from a guy as well just to— Whitney: As long as he does not do the whole smiley face, exclamation point and XXX. Jeff: It’s a slippery slope. You start with exclamation points and you end with like smiley faces and hearts and lipstick so I think I draw the line at the period. Whitney: Alright Jeff, thanks for being here, that was really good stuff. Audra, back to you. Host: And for some answers to all of your holiday dating dilemmas, just pick up a copy of Whitney’s book The Man Plan or Jeff’s book, Maxims of Manhood which is available now.