First Time Parents - DadLabs Ep. 65 The Lounge
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First time parents are so sweet. The way they think that no one has ever had a baby before, or that their baby is the cutest in the world, or that the child's needs come before everything and everyone else in the universe. Actually they're annoying. Distributed by Tubemogul.


Clay Nichols: Welcome to the DadLab Lounge. Today we want to extend a special welcome and hello to you first time parents because you annoy the crap out of us. Brad Powell: Yes, yes you are little over bearing. Clay Nichols: We have got three kids, I have got three, Brad's got two and every time we run into first time parents, it reminds us what a pain in the ass we were when we first had kids. Brad Powell: Yes, because we were first time parents, that's kind of sequentially doing work, first and then second. Clay Nichols: Couple of things that we just want to help you out with. All surfaces are not poisonous. Brad Powell: That's right. Clay Nichols: As a matter of fact and all basic household items are not potential dangerous. Brad Powell: And kids can not choke on a softball, unless they got a really big mouth. Clay Nichols: It's true. Brad Powell: Which is another story. Clay Nichols: It's true, so you see really there are some things you get for example, helmets good, on the swing unnecessary. Brad Powell: On horses and bicycles yes and the scooters but not on swing. Clay Nichols: Yes. Brad Powell: And if they are on the bed and it's a carpeted floor you probably -- Clay Nichols: Also not helmet. Brad Powell: And they are okay. Clay Nichols: In that circumstances. Brad Powell: Let them skin their knees, it's okay. Clay Nichols: The other day I was in a daycare with some of the parents and with a child so they were thirsty so I was passing out some drinks and the I was end up, here just suddenly everything went to slow motion and this father would, no and my God, like threw himself in front of me and he hadn't read the label. Brad Powell: Oh yeah, don't give them too much, oh it might cause, it's, my first boy is going to be smart and responsible. Clay Nichols: It's a pretty much Tree Top Apple 100%, arm pucker you know I am saying arm pucker. Brad Powell: And little hypocritical because we were just as anxious about the safety of our children as you are now, but you don't have to be so anxious. I was in the yard the other day putting out some compost in my flower beds, I choose some nice Salvia and see, anyway that's beside the point and my children were out there and it's compost is manure had donkey dung and turkey dung and they are like these big balls of donkey dung and my daughter was out there with me and she is, oh! toys and she ran and she grab donkey dung and she smashed it on her head and she said AAA and she took these big balls are donkey dung and it is all over her head and she is covered in donkey dung composted mind you and my wife came out and said, "Oh! What's that?" and I said, donkey dung. She said , oh let's wash it off. If that had happened to our youngest child we will kill right at it donkey dung in the head of my child. Clay Nichols: That pretty much, you are pretty much embarrassing yourself now. Brad Powell: Oh! I am sorry. Okay, the point Clay Nichols: It is fine to relax a little bit up into the point where your children are playing with poop because that's -- Brad Powell: It's not really poop it's compost dude, it's mix the grass. Clay Nichols: No, no play with poop. Brad Powell: Yeah, don't play with poop. What your kid like to eat the little deer dung thing, don't let them do that. Clay Nichols: That's another thing a line. Brad Powell: Don't cross over. Clay Nichols: Yeah I think it's important for you first times parents to know that the five minute rule is actually true, five second rule. Five second rule, five minute rule, five second rule. The five second rule is a proven scientific fact. You can put the food on the floor for a short period of time and still eat. Brad Powell: Absolutely, bacteria takes. Clay Nichols: It's actually 10 second with the third child, five seconds for the older child. Brad Powell: Bacteria takes time to jump from a surface to a surface they are not really good jumpers they wouldn't do well in the Olympics. Clay Nichols: So and let me say this that I am little bit tired of going into a play ground setting or school setting with a first time parents and getting a lot of this because this is the first time parent face looking at me. Alright is there I am with my kid and I am doing my parent thing and you are looking at me just all the time. This is how the parents of three children do it okay and you can give me all the then you want to okay. You are not going to change me okay. And let me say something is that someday you will have three kids and you will be on the playground and some snippy little tiny something one kid in the play ground is going to give you. So little karma to you Mr. First Time. Brad Powell: The deal is essentially, make sure your kids are safe take care of them, do those things that you need to do in order to keep them safe in that wonderful childhood but just be a little more laid back, don't worry so much about it because it will be okay. Clay Nichols: We like you, it's just fine. I am sorry. Brad Powell: Yeah it's okay. Clay Nichols: First time parents would worry very much, buy DVDs. Brad Powell: We do. Clay Nichols: That's all for us, here at the DadLab Lounge. Brad Powell: Dude what happened with the whole juice, I mean did you get all fisty cups with this dude. Clay Nichols: But I felt a little ashamed, I mean just because my kid like took a dump and was painting his name with it, at least he spelled it right. Brad Powell: Yeah that's true and you know the whole dung thing, the donkey dung and turkey dung, man it's all natural. Clay Nichols: Do you know poop is not a toy. Brad Powell: Well it's not a toy but it's -- Clay Nichols: I mean as soon I saw my kid doing that I stopped him. Brad Powell: Well yeah. No right you say don't play. We have got magic markers and sharpies for that son.