Description

Being a disabled parent brings with it extra challenges that able bodied parents take for granted. We met with Sue Searle, a disable mum who has some great advice and support.

Transcript

Zoe Cummings: Parenting can hard enough for the best of times for able bodied parents but how do disabled parents cope and where do they go for advice? Joining me today Sue Searle, a disabled parent to a daughter Ethan, as well as Mary Rubra, nursing breastfeeding trainer for disabled parents, and her five month old son Leo and he's got plenty to say on the subject by the sounds of it. Sue and Mary, welcome and thanks for joining us. And quickly just explain to us little bit about how ignorant people are of the needs of disabled parents? Sue Searle: Currently there is no such statistics for how many disabled parents there are in the UK. Government stats probably estimate around 2 million and that number is rising. People just don't expect disabled people to be parents. It's unheard of. I get lots of stared at with crutches and babies. It's almost as if they are not my children. People don't expect them to be my children. Zoe Cummings: What are the things that people said to you? Sue Searle: I had a midwife telling me that people like me shouldn't have children. I had my buddy snatched out -- fun to me by some well meaning lady walking past. Some people were just shocked and automatically talked to whoever is with me and asked, then how old their child is? I said, no, it's mine. That's incredible common. Some disabled parents, they have social services handling them because they are expecting them not to be able to cope. We all know, babies don't come with manuals. Disabled people are expected to be safer parents. We have to learn, it's a skill. Zoe Cummings: Mary, why do you think it is that people have attitudes like this? Mary Rubra: I think it's because they think that being disabled that you aren't able to look after the children properly and that I am an able bodied person and how can you possibly changing nappy or breast-feed your baby, that you won't be able to -- some sort of difficult that's why, and I think that's very -- because they are just as capable as anybody else to be able to bring up children and are good in. Zoe Cummings: Isn't there any situation whereby that you can have some people might be too scared to offer advice or help because they don't want to offend? Sue Searle: There is a lot of misunderstanding some disabilities especially when hereditary people are frightened. They make assumption that people can not cope. There is a person asking, not telling is much easier, much better and it's just a case of what you would say to a normal person if you would, it's the same things, disabled parents have the same face and same problems, it's just that we have to adapt as this is likely so make it workable for us. Zoe Cummings: Mary, you offer advice to disabled parents. What of you found the major obstacle that they encounter? Mary Rubra: It's a tough one I think. I offer - I am trainee breastfeeding helper. People obviously if they have anyone normal, they don't know how to breast-feed or latch their baby on properly, it's the case of getting the appropriate people to help them, so they can achieve what they are after as in breastfeeding, helping the baby latch on properly, positioning, maybe need some cushions, or especially with adaptions - yes my love. Zoe Cummings: You are making it really difficult, aren't you? Just at the same time, just a proven point, are they? Mary Rubra: Exactly. I do apologize. He is very hungry. Zoe Cummings: Now Mary, you obviously go into hospitals and offer advice to disabled parents. What are the difficulties you found that they encounter? Mary Rubra: Oh, basically, midwives are trained in helping mothers with their deliveries and antenatal care but they're not actually trained in help the disabled parents. So I am actually trainee breastfeeding helper and I can go into the hospital and help people, to help their babies breast-feed and show them different techniques, how to hold the baby, change nappies -- Zoe Cummings: Would you show us some of those techniques? You show us how we can breast-feed or Sue, join us to show us how to change nappies. I think Leo and Kelly want something to eat at this moment. So we come back to the breastfeeding technique. Just a minute, get onto the floor. So how easy is this to do with one hand, she is -- show us. Sue Searle: It's very easy to do. I'll just move the doll into the real baby. Zoe Cummings: Sue, it's very important to get the child on the floor. Sue Searle: Yes. Babies, they will surprise you and unfortunately they'll usually surprise you at the wrong time. And then, just for the safely -- undress his say, and tuck it up. With babies, if you are using different techniques, when you talk to the baby, when you move them, you can actually use five cool suggestions. So in this case, we want the baby to roll. Let's roll baby, roll, he happens to move across. Give me the nappy. Roll baby roll, roll baby roll. Fold the collar down. You need to have to support them. Roll baby roll. From top. Zoe Cummings: Cleaning Sue the moment. She is very still. How would you cope if she was much and more happy than she is now, she was wailing, she was hungry. Sue Searle: There is a piece of equipment called a rabbit's smile, which straps the baby downs like an arrow, it's like a hornets. So the baby doesn't move away. But by using the -- and speaking to the baby, and actually using either -- help you to raise the feet or by using roll baby roll. Certainly you wouldn't say, example. Zoe Cummings: She is very obedient, isn't she? Sue Searle: Yes. Well done Ethan. Zoe Cummings: How long does it take them to get the grasp of the comments that you're using. Sue Searle: Usually within -- now without baby -- help you and roll. Zoe Cummings: And roll, just like that. Sue Searle: By nine months, they will assist you completely. They will use as many muscles as much possible to they have to help you. Zoe Cummings: Unfortunately, this is something that you must start from the early age. Sue Searle: From birth. It's a natural technique. The babies learn it so quickly because they adapt. Parent with no hands, children grasp quickly, they grasp onto the chest, they grasp onto the chest to make sure that everything - they're safe, they feel safe and they not goes to trying the hands from the neck to help lift them. It's just - the babies adapt you, her parents, your parenting technique, a new parenting style. Zoe Cummings: Mary, you are the expert on how to get babies breastfeeding, but disabled parents, you talked a bit about it before, what's the best method for them to go by getting their babies to breast-feed? Mary Rubra: Well, it depends on the disability. There are several different types of ways that you can breast-feed your baby, there is a -- hold, where you have the baby lying on the sides, just probably going to squeak and you have your hand along underneath his hands, not over his hands. Zoe Cummings: Clearly not supporting as he had his food. Mary Rubra: Or you can have the baby coming from underneath from behind, you're supporting the baby head there. It's important to get the baby to latch onto open his mouth or her mouth in a proper way. You support baby with cushions, you're not putting the babies on the cushion. Well, obviously it's quite tiring holding the baby when they're getting bigger, hence you can have the cushions there to support you or you can lie on a bed and feed your baby. Lying on your side or you could even be on -- and dangle over the baby. Babies are very adaptable and they will feed in any position. Zoe Cummings: How is easy for mums to get this advice? Sue Searle: It's becoming easier. In hospital when I had Ethan, there was a breastfeeding consultant -- called, you can make an appointment as she will come around to see you and her round starting from morning -- afternoon. And maybe they will appoint helping anybody who wanted to breast-feed. I think that sort of support you need when you are in hospital. You then feel capable of being able to do that when you go out and go home. Zoe Cummings: Now you can get some advice and training course through JACE Training, which will pass off, what are the service that are offered? Sue Searle: My JACE Training, we offer training for midwives, health professionals, health visitors, occupational therapy, to try various techniques and annotations for how to parent with a disability. Thinking outside the box and that's what we encourage professionals to do is a -- disabled parent, we take them from home, happily assist them, which is very important thing. It's something doesn't really happen often, but it's happening more I say. Zoe Cummings: And just -- if you would tell us where people who feel that they want extra help? Where can they get this? Mary Rubra: There is the breastfeeding network, which is in the website -- free phone number, which I don't actually know or you can get that at the end of the program and Sue could direct you in the right place. Midwives, health visitors, they often know people that they can suggest that you have chat to, there are people out there to help. Zoe Cummings: Thank you very much for coming in and talking to us, thank you. Mary Rubra: Thank you.