Description

A group of dads discuss their experiences on the day of birth.

Transcript

Jonathan Wills: Guys one thing which is going to make me really unpopular here but the birth of a child, and I have to say straight away went there to the hospital and then after the birth really is just happiest state of life, isn’t that? Yeah, yeah, yeah and it actually is more than a hand on having, it's absolutely was the happiest – over the years with the children, best things in my life have absolutely been on all the rest of it but actually going to the hospital I found one of the most traumatic experience as we went to there. We had our first one that I think can name Chelsea, which is blown up to be the great thing and frankly we had a really bad experience and we went through terrible sort of labor overnight actually and she took 24 hours effectively for the birth to actually happen and I slept him on floor initially and then for that first period and then we went into the actual operating theatre and they dressed in all the gear and everything with caesarian. They actually at the end -- you may mention the fact that you are forced to get on the danger and we are obviously not forced to get right up at the other end and everything. And I was I think was just in this period of shock for about sort of three weeks but I don’t know how you will describe this. Kevin Day: Actually it's quite interesting. Imagine if somebody is having a caesarian then you wouldn’t have to worry, they will just do it straight away-- Jonathan Wills: Well, they try to induce sort of start up with and then they came, the consultant came and he said actually that's what was really annoying. It was after 16 hours, he said you know what, you are going to get the birth naturally and then that’s for it and everything else sort of thing. Kevin Day: Yeah, absolutely. I can remember that my party member is panic because I mean you prepared it for nine months and you have got the bags packed and you’ve been through the classes, you know you’ve got stuffs or whatever and then it's kind of very odd experience. Well, I can't drive so my dad took me, and my friend was there, they always used to come around. My wife, and my dad had massive argument in the car in the way there about which is the best route. She is facing backwards breathing deeply over the plastic bolt. He is going and she is saying, which way are you going and he said where I always go and then they messed it well. So I made them stop the car, so this is ridiculous. I am terrified. I am panicking a bit. So we got of it, everything was quite easy for us, I would probably hate to say this, but she was only in labor for two hours, but then right at the end we had it and she is probably--her heart rate disappeared and then all these machines came in from nowhere and almost took me--what’s going on, so I was kind of panicking but then the thing I found most odd about labor was afterwards, and it took me a year before I told anyone this, because I was the only one that I was the villain because I didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of joy, I didn’t feel that it's been the best experience of my life. I felt that it's been -- I was aware that in chattering and namely all the way through because in terms of that--obviously seeing through the notes and making the food as she attempts to lie and the atmosphere, there wasn’t always the good things, at one stage when the nurses said we do want to do the video of the birth and I foolishly said thinking this will break the ice, well, no she wouldn’t let me film me and guide in, I am not going to filming coming out, well it wasn’t the best thing because obviously the nurse in the and the midwife were feminists and my wife was just saying, would you stop making jokes about everything but it was bizarre, it was actually a physical bit, it wasn’t difficult. I mean of course there was pain involved and all that, not believe any amount of pain, in fact I would be dead if were in China and they just go out in the back in the paddy field and dropped the baby, you know why to make it such a fuss and go to work, but the actual labor experience wasn’t a bad one but I was just all the way through it, I kept thinking I am a bad man because I am not feeling relation, I am not feeling joy here and then even when it was in my hands, I am really pleased but I didn’t – there is no Hallelujah chorus and I was kind of – for a year I was the only one, I have really [Voice Overlap] Damion Queva: My first experience was a breeze and the second was even more a breeze again (Voice Overlap) but now I remember being at work and getting the cool and my wife said well I am going into labor, I am going down to the hospital straightway. The ambulance came, took her, I remember traveling from Islington to Lewisham, which my wife gave birth to first child in about 25 minutes which I have never got to there that quickly before. How I got through the traffic, I don’t know how I got from Islington to Lewisham, and definitely I remember that and I don’t know how I did it in 25 minutes. So it's the first thing that perplexed me. So actually she get in there and then she had the gas canisters next to her and she sort of set up in the position. By this time my mother and my sister had turned up, Shirley (ph) was in some pain obviously and obviously baby was coming. So what I remember about my first is or our first experience is my sister laughing because Shirley was in pain and she was Like this, so actually they were going ,get out, right now, get out by which time I was standing by holding her hand, she is sucking on the gas and apart from all that this sort of heaving and pushing and everything, four hours later, she delivered –- again all the pain. Kevin Day: Well, the pain thing is very interesting because Alley (ph) had a lot of discussion with someone who made her feel very bad because first thing we got is midwife, when every bit of pain relief going on what I will donate to her, anything we could do to alleviate the pain and the midwife actually said, well a lot of women, who did a lot of care and friends of her and she generally felt this, people that made her feel bad. So not wanting the pain, this was something that it wasn’t a valid experience of childbirth was a valid experience, if it didn’t hurt. Damion Queva: I think it depends on reluctance, how reluctant they are to give it? Kevin Day: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. Damion Queva: They epidural kind of the gas only was to me with someone like that-- Kevin Day: The last thing you want to see is your wife in pain but as all people say well you can't respond to the midwife’s suggestions probably if you are not in pain, and obviously and she really felt that again, because she wanted to breastfeed and then in first couple of days she might won’t be able to and she was devastated because people made her feel that she can’t breastfeed and there would no proper bonding and stuff. [Voice Overlap] Jonathan Wills: Your experience with natural birth, what was that? Chris Brooks: Christy, my 12-year old was having complications and complications like itself like the umbilical cord was trapped and they had to pull her out with forceps and that was quite obviously a traumatic experience. Now, the thing I think then is well that whole area was shielded as well, 12 years ago it wasn’t allowed anywhere in. So I kind of felt oh, this is going to be fine. When Harry is born, I am not allowed down there anyway. Jonathan Wills: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Brooks: Got to the hospital, there was no guys or anything but there was head coming out. But to actually –- I am a bit--I can’t watch casualty or anything I can’t do it, but actually when I saw his head there, it wasn’t there a minute ago, then he is there, then he is in the room and it was incredible. Damion Queva: I remember having wearing this –- Jonathan Wills: Doing the cleaning act. Damion Queva: Well I had to remove this shirt and it was just covered in perspiration because she was like I can't push, come on and then you are getting behind the nurse and everything and again we had a bit of complication and we talked about having a slight snit there and I was down there and I took everything in, on kind of like, I want to take everything in. I was like wow, how does that happen blew his eyes snit and then come on, give us another push and I was like I don’t know about the blood, but it was just a way to [Voice Overlap] Chris Brooks: Well, I mean I can't do it with people with covered hand, but I was quite happy in that environment it didn’t--and I was really surprised. Damion Queva: I wanted to see and it suddenly doomed into me, again this whole person is being developed here, It's like – this is like how is this happening? I never experienced this if I wasn’t a dad, [Voice Overlap] I am here it’s so surreal. Chris Brooks: But it is the first time when we give our attention to it because-- Damion Queva: Yeah, I mean suddenly this live baby comes out and they saw it whole and you got for this moment of pregnancy when you are not caring that crying. I remember it was almost like feeling I was holding my breath until the baby because I knew that would stunk up his nose and they are going to try and suction out and pull and I was just seemed as if like I was holding my breath and why isn’t the baby crying. They all come out you see on the television, they give a slap on the back, she is not breathing and at the same time I am very conscious, I don’t want to Shirley panic, unbenign to me, she is just happen to have everything out, I am not going to show any emotion here because I don’t want to panic her. Jonathan Wills: That has changed, that has changed because actually with the caesarian as well, you are lucky that you actually get the baby to start off with, the poor old mom is lying there. So I was thinking that how to be reminded actually to treat his mother that you want to see the baby. Kevin Day: Yeah, it's funny; I am not crazy at all. When the baby was born, that's absolutely fine. When the placenta came out, wow! Damion Queva: There is a lot that happens afterwards isn’t it, that people don’t just realize. Kevin Day: I think there is that terrible sense of helplessness as well that you are not prepared for it, the woman you love is in pain and there is nothing really you can do beyond having your fingers squeezed. Damion Queva: It's amazing because once she give out the baby, you are there and you are -- sort of hands around a cup of tea, biscuit, calm down, you done so well, it's a whole kind of connection like I really felt the connection, I was so proud of her and I was so relating for her. I mean that kind of -- I remember that –- Kevin Day: The first how are -- you miss the baby, it’s incredible. Damion Queva: So much like within a lot-- Kevin Day: They just agree that they couldn’t do it elsewhere. Damion Queva: Well, I actually say that's--that’s same to me, we couldn’t have done it because she wasn’t pushing at it, there is a lot of screaming and she wasn’t doing the push and she was, come on girls, great, push.