A group of dads discuss their experiences with fatherhood and how to deal with new babies.
Kevin Day: You know one thing I never gotten used to even though it's annoying, is the amount of people, complete strangers even, who feel that they can give you advice about child birth. When you walk through the streets with pregnant women, you go to the shops with an infant child, the amount of people who feel today entitled to give you advice about how to raise that child. It's still somebody now in local super market -- she constantly says well you've got another child you know. You can't even know your own child. It's not fair to; it's none of your business. We raise that child as -- and the whole terrible thing with parents, two sets of parents who clearly love you daily but all the way through the pregnancy feel unbound to tell you in exact detail what things worked in their day. How things are not as good and now a day how the child birth thing is to -- you just get bombarded by person - so much is contradictory. You don't know what to tell, you've got National Child Birth sending one way to raise your child. You're right there looks how to enable you to raise your child. He has got natural instinct telling you to you do this way. You've got grand parents, you head explodes in the end. Damion Queva: I think Kevin says that they tend to descend on these suddenly. Yeah you could say you got this exhaustion. It's actually you're trying to think quite amount now, baby is down. I think another big thing is that my wife Barbara and I both are quite strict about it. We didn't want everybody picking out the baby unless why should have require angle about that way. - This kind of -you know that can be very early stage I can pick every thing up so [Cross talk] We are really conscious of it. Some reason we have to be so conscious that you know- Kevin Day: Somebody brought that -somebody said that to you. Damion Queva: Yeah, the midwife said look be careful when I pick up the baby they come in if specially if they've been specially stroking and all kinds of different thing but the scariest thing about a coming what he disease is called when you touched a cat and then touch a baby and that top thing rude kind of paranoid without first -- This is it precious and no way we're going to let anything happen. So we like when someone coming oh! Show us the baby -- would you mind washing your hand. I know it sounds really dumb but we would like that. The other thing was exact is that everyone found out, brothers, sisters and -- that it was like home of protection. You know your first two years are just like- Chris Brooks: Every minute the door bell rings and somebody new is coming through the door and you feel bad for saying and eventually we're going say though. We're going to have a couple of babies of on our own, sorry grand parents and sorry friends. Kevin Day: I mean its that whole in-laws be in-laws thing as well, isn't it. Even now we get that. Now we're said that the different ways of process of grandparents has their own rising children sending to school with their help. But we don't have a reason but it wasn't it easier for you had the second or third child? You did become more -- Jonathan Wills: Much more relaxed I mean again yeah I put all viruses part of your left on shelves and give us this whole idea. She has number three. She just to maintain -- kind of thing. And she had but it again we sort of talked about that how the different don't having a character of changed but number three is different to number one. Because number one had absolutely everything as you say. Pulled into from hand washing to god knows what and as the number three is been picking dead and cows whatever is in it. Yeah, I mean it's right exact great meet the results of it. Kevin Day: I do have to say we would the one piece of advice often stalk. You do get bombarded. I went to every -- emotion is really its -- when I might completely assume that the situation arises. The one piece of advise and I have actually lived by this. We had to child psychology class at 8 o'clock. He said it's no such thing as a bad baby. The children true aren't evil. If they cry it's because they're hungry, they are sick or they are wet. If you dealt with all these things the child won't cry and it is a child doesn't got a sense to think all that big mysteries that keep you awake. And that was really important piece of advice because when you think great the child is crying that's a signal that something is wrong. Let's find out what that is. So we have didn't they have to smart. That man always felt more relaxed going into being a parent and well I'm nervous wreck. I'm probably citizen of this -- That really helped the first few days when you have got these tiny vulnerable thing in your lovely flat. You don't know how to look out for that almost constantly Chris Brooks: I read the same advice for the - if he is crying is because he needs a nappy change, he is sick or he is not eating properly. But the problem was there was no midwife or health visitor who would actually say let's move onto the bottle. This whole breast feeding, bottle feeding thing was like a complete nightmare. You read websites and you always feel like you better off starving and then taking him off the breast. In the end I said to Karen and maybe it was easy for me because I've been with Kasty when Kasty was born and this was Karen's first so I've kind of been there before so may be I was a little bit more at ease with that and I said well he needs feeding. Let's get some - get him some powdered milk and go for it. Damion Queva: It's amazing how quickly they take to powder milk. Hold on a second. They obviously they will - because they take to these -- Kevin Day: Because the women then feel good about that which was - Chris Brooks: Which was the whole psycho with Karen and she wasn't sleeping properly because the breast feeding. She wasn't taking as much rest so she was up every hour and she was just completely knocked up and then the girl says -- but then when may I was on bottle of milk I mean I could some of the pressure at night and then she had calmed down a bit which in turn made Harry calmed down a bit and I were my psycho family Kevin Day: I feel so sorry for women now especially because it's so surrounded by conflicting advice and one of the things I've really been always talked about was that nature is the most powerful thing in the world. Instinctively you should know what to do and what's best for your kid and she says that I know that, but when you pick up a magazine or you turn on the Television there are so many programs that one side you've got breast feed or don't breast feed. They go breastfeed for 3 months. You can't have them new bed, you must have them new bed. You see sure we don't know what to do the best. I think it's a lot of pressure on the parents as well because you do that the parents will say to you oh! When did he start walking? You say I don't know that. Well, mom is -- tell of yours. Jonathan Wills: With this trends and these different books are coming every year just getting back to the old day -- one of just got interest as well. I just wonder that how intense with the relationship with the in-laws to the child we're talking earlier as well about these differences we have with our parents and they say how that differs because my father's relationship to my children, his grandchildren is incredible. I look at in sort of with my girls now. You were never like that way and he has got really good relationship and if there is this interesting dynamic between the in-laws and the actual children. Kevin Day: It's funny I feel real safe with Ally's parents live in Birmingham which is this is not the end of the world but it's one way both for working that way. It's called the -- see it anymore than 4 to 3 full times a year. So every time they see, -- but my dad, my mom was away nursing. Her parents when addressed to -- address to move us, you've never seen a close relationship between a child and his grand parents. They both absolutely obsessed to each other which is fantastic. But to the judge but the only downside is that we can't ask anybody else to look after them because both of them get crossed. Sometimes its -- that's really difficult. It's fantastic at one point. She is always there to look after him. But if he is not there we can't go out.